We are all afraid of those subjects, failure, defeat, lose. We don’t want any of that to happen in our life, but…. what I’m about to tell you might change that and it is the reason why we need to fail and lose sometimes.
Growing up, I was always do great, typical type A person. I am a perfectionist (even though sometimes I show myself as a carefree laid back kind of person, guess that’s a cover up for my uptight personality, or I've learned to balance lol), and I am the “Jack of all trades”. I did good at school, always in the top rank of my class, I never fail a subject, I play all kind of sports, I’m also good at arts. I have a great relationship with my family and friends. My spirituality grows well. I graduate cumlaude (and I don’t recall I work extra hard to earn that). My parents let me resigned from a job and do whatever I want and still support me in every choices I made, I got accepted in a scholarship in my first trial (I simply gave it a try). I studied abroad for a year in a great program, I did great, I was selected as the editor in chief of a project (I thought being the “manager” would gave me less work, little did I know ha), I managed to arrange to travel to some places while I was in the US, I fell in love and luckily got in a relationship and we got to share beautiful important moments together. I never really struggle hard. I got things that I want easily.
For 24 years I lived a great life. Not that during my whole life I never had bad moments, I lost couple of things (important and not, and I still remember each of them and how I lose it). I guess I was always hard on myself. I wasn’t good at losing and letting go. But I knew it because last year I came back from the exchange program. Everything seems to fall over. I thought everything is going to be alright. I was distracted that I didn’t have plans for my life and suddenly a thing called adulthood came into me in forms of bad bad experience, and forced me to get my shit and grow up. I feel like Hannah in Girls. Now that I think about it, I wish I got all the bad things happened to me when I was younger. That way I will advanced in learning the life lessons. But I guess there’s time for everything, and for me, as a “late bloomer” who's as the Brazilians called “mimada” (I’m the youngest of four and 5” tall, I’m always going to be treated as a little kid) this year was the right time.
Failures, defeats, losing, break up, struggles, depression, you named it. Bad things happened to me. And that year was really about getting up.
I made a list of those things:
- Bad break up. I don’t have a lot to say about this but I was pretty wrecked and that was one of the hardest moment I had. Cos it wasn’t just a relationship. For me it was the future, and my self-worth. I gave everything but it didn’t work out. It’s about letting things go not according to what I want. Now, a year later, I can finally understand.
- Like I said, I didn’t actually have a concrete plan of what I’m going to do once I’m back after studying abroad. I said I will probably start my business (I didn’t even know which business I was talking about). I got comfortable doing nothing then I felt bad cos I didn’t have money. Luckily I still live in my parents house. Freelance jobs that I did before were gone and it wasn’t easy to start again. I applied for several jobs. I was unemployed for 4 months (both by choice and by force). As far as I remember, I always at least got a call back for interview. But this time is different. First, my sister hooked me up with HR in one of the biggest cigarette company that offers really high salary for a corporate branding position. I didn’t get it. Second, I got a call from a NGO got to a second interview, I was so close but I didn’t get it. I literally cried to my mom over my desperation.
- Opportunities. I applied for jobs that I think are good opportunities, haven’t got a call back. I joined a video competition, I can say my submission was better but I didn’t win (it offered prize that I really want, it’s a job to do what you want, what you’re passionate in) but the world works differently and in some ways that sometimes we can’t understand. I interviewed for another freelance job, never heard about it again.
- I gave myself on an online internship project, I worked hard juggling between my full time job, my night and weekend classes, I was always in the top rank in that internship program, but the end was harsh for me because all of sudden (without proper reason) I finished with my rank dropped down. I was sad but I know I had nothing to do with it, so it was easy for me to let go but still, I felt defeated.
What I want to tell you is: IT’S OKAY TO FAIL. ALL OF THOSE BAD EXPERIENCE ARE JUST LESSONS FOR US TO LEARN AND GROW. This year I learned things about life and the world more than I learned in my whole life through all the good and bad moments. (*that sounds exaggerating but it's true!). I AM PROUDLY SAY THAT I HAVE OVERCOME THAT AND I’M READY FOR THE NEXT FAILURES, LOSES, DEFEATS, whatever, because I know there will be more to come, and yes, we should not be afraid. Whatever it is, bring it on, can’t bring me down.
Learn how to let things go. Accept your defeats, your lose. You’ll never learn if you always get what you want in life. Life is a roller coaster. It’s okay to fail and lose, what’s not okay is to give up. Really.